sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
