1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
