I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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