I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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