is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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