i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
