operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
