Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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