i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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