Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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