We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
