theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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