I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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