Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
