she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
