i love accidental penises.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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