she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize