hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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