She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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