Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
