first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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