We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
