pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The beer is more important than you right now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
