I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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