I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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