fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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