That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i think i just lost a toe
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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