y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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