He kissed a someone with a penis
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
ttyl tear gas
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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