May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
