he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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