one might say we're banned from that church
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
