I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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