Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize