im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
COCAINE IS GR8
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
