I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
