You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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