When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
