Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
