so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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