Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do herpes really smell.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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