She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
