im drinking this country out of the recession.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
