Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
