life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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