On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Someone signed my nipple.
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