he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
