I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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