I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
