What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
