4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
