so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize