How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
