i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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