My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
