He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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