i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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