No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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