lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
