yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
