Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
