Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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