On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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