ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
