I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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