Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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