I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
